A dialogue of begging

A letter I wrote to a yacht salesman:

Steve, Can we talk more about the price of this yacht. Is the advertised price ₤7150 as advertised in on Yachtworld and the PDF, or ₤7950 as per the Word document? Obviously if the initial price was ₤7150, the owner was no doubt expecting haggling in the order of ₤500-1000, as that is the way things go. I realise the sale of the yacht affects your commission, but is there anything, you or the owner, no matter how obscure that can be done to help me out with this. I’m with you on thinking I’m a cheeky bastard asking for a long shot, but this boat is the closest Contessa that is even near what I can afford.Thanks again, Nick

His reply was aptly put 🙂

Dear Nick

The owner has just spent ₤3,000 to upgrade the boat and we have put the price up by ₤800. The owner is keen to sell but I cannot really see this working out. Before taking on a passage you will need to upgrade some of the standing rigging, which might cost ₤4-500 and there are bound to be other bits and pieces required. If you only have ₤6k at a stretch, are we being realistic? I could talk to the owner about ₤6k now and ₤3k in a year, but we would require guarantees. Where would these come from?

Regards
Steve

My boldest reply so far, with no response as yet… Maybe he will be sane enough never to talk to me again!

Dear Steve,

No, we are probably not being realistic in the slightest – But for what I intend on doing, from what I have, is in no way tied to reality either! I am going to put this to you, and I know you will laugh, but bare with me, and if you have time, please ask the owner. You never know who you are dealing with, so questions are better asked than not. Here is my proposal:

You put the price down to ₤7000 (keep reading!)
I pay ₤2000 in 14 Days
I then pay you a minimum of ₤1000 per month until it is paid for
I pay its current dry dock fees starting from the first 14 days
I list the owner as a sponsor for my trip (to sail from Europe to Australia via America) in 2007 (which I already have one sponsor for, whom you can email and validate with if you wish).

We then write a contract with the above, stating I cannot take the boat off the dry dock until it is paid for, but does allow me to do repairs/maintenance over the next 4-5months. Therefore there is no risk, as if it all goes bottom up, you have at least ₤2000 & the boat. I would need to complete payments by at least January, as that is when I need practice for my RYA certificates.

This is no doubt your most bizarre attempt at yacht purchasing, but please do take me seriously. If it is too much to ask, then I thank you very kindly for listening, and wish you the best of luck with selling her to a less needy customer!

We’ll see… Nick.